This morning I did the dishes. Now I know its not a big task. But when depression takes over it is. Every ounce of energy I have is focused on my son. The very little I have. So dishes? Well luckily they’re aren’t many because not eating is also a side affect. You should see the 10 loads of laundry I have to do.
This morning I awoke with 1000 questions running through my head. Why? Is number one. Why is my son not good enough? Why am I not good enough? Why did he have to go out and replace our entire family? Right down to the kitten. How could anyone give up their child for a relationship? Long story short my son’s father’s girlfriend told him in order to stay with her he’s never allowed to talk to me again. That he must give up his son as well. He chose her. Not just over me but over our son. It baffles me.
Today I filed a legal name change for my son. All of a sudden it was the right thing to do. I didn’t even question myself. I didn’t even question the $200 it costed my to file. I just did it. Now I had inquired in to it back in March. When his father and I first split up. But since he was on the birth certificate, I needed his permission. Now 9 months later he has been basically gone. And in the very very few occasions he was around he was little to no help. I want my son to be raised with a name that he can relate to. That he knows where it came from. A name he won’t have questions about. We’ll see what happens.
So this is my first post.
I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Samantha. I’m a single mom to an 11 month old baby boy named Carter. His dad is currently incarcerated for violating probation. I just got out of a crazy, up and down, abusive relationship. Or at least I’m hoping its over. My small group of friends is most likely worn out by all the drama through out the years. So, because I know I’m not alone in my experiences, I thought this could be a good platform. Who knows where this will go. I’ll talk about whatever is on my mind. So here we go. Me. As is